Dell Circulates Rumors
of Going Private in a Transparent Move to Boost Stock Price: Lolly Pop Lolly Pop, Watch
Dell Shares Drop
(New York, New York) June 2010
Since the years following the dot com financial high, which is what it was, a terrible
high: it felt really great for a while, cost a ton of money, didn't last very long, left a
craving for that long gone rush and led tech companies like Dell Computers to make one bad
public relations business decision after another. First was the relocation of their
call centers overseas. At TWSEN, we admire the skills in both troubleshooting hardware and
learning English that are needed for foreign workers to field calls from frustrated and
upset PC users in the US. However, most Americans, barely able to even master their
primary language, have very little patience and an inexcusable intolerance for anyone on
the other end of a help line with any sort of accent, no matter how proficient those
technicians are at solving their computer issues.
 --Sr.
Trabajando, International Business Correspondent (Not CIA)
If I know there are Ten
dollars in my pocket and then I suddenly only have Nine, I don't call that a "wallet
correction."
Steffi Panzer
Is Your Money REITarded?
(Del Mar, CA, USA) March 2010
The DJIA is like my pulse. I live and breath by it. Every nickel that I can get my hands
on goes into my on-line trading account. I'm addicted to trading; I admit it, I love it.
I've traded millions of dollars in stocks and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle as a result. I
live in a small, rural town in a rural state where we shoot rabbits and trespassers from
our back porch.
I missed every crash. Yes, EVERY stock market crash, I was
liquid, no margins. EVERY, EVERY one. And a lot of bullshit financial advisors will claim
they did too, but do a freedom of information act on my tax returns and you'll see you've
been listening to people who have a broker license and their heads up their asses. And a
FOIA on me tends to irritate the Dod, so use caution; I'm protected by powerful friends
who also have machine guns and high-powered scoped rifles.
So first off, in February 2007, I cashed in my shitty
employers 401K and even with penalties and taxes, I churned that sum into a tidy little
nest egg, far surpassing the deductions that were taken from it before I was fossil age or
the company I worked for turned to vomit (which it did!). On July 5th 2007 I sold every
remotely connected financial stock, real estate related, mortgage company, bank, or mutual
fund.
But this article is to not tote my accolades, though I am
about 1 in 5000 traders that avoided EVERY, EVERY crash and continue to make money in this
weird market. The purpose of the article is to inspire you to rethink how your money is
working, or probably, not working for you, especially if you are sucked up in a REIT.
One point to note on trading: don't be too greedy. I made
$168 today and that's fine by me. It took a few hours of math doing projections based on
past asks and trade volume, but after my take, I called it quits and shook a martini
around noon. Too many day traders think they need to make $4000 an hour - very stupid. Set
a limit that equals an honest wage and plan a trade or trades based on that number.
My goal is actually just $80 a day. Who needs more? Its done so quick that I
can go fishing or shooting or call my mom and talk for an hour, or rather let her talk for
an hour..anyway...I'm not working at that point.
The stock I am just banking on, making bank, is Textron
(TXT). It is not unique in choice because I only deal in defense contractors.
If you want to make a killing in the market, buy a stock that makes a killing. Ha
Ha!
What I don't put my money into is financials or these weird
investment vehicles called REITs. They are some sort of real estate fund that the
last time I checked was the shittiest segment in our economy. So don't put your
money into a coma by buying real estate trust funds where I have seen some decline like
98.89% in two years. $150 Million, Poof! Gone!
Instead, I invest in Department of Defense contractors like Textron who is working on a
wicked new space based laser. Cool. The difference to your bottom line in trading will
quickly become apparent as you move your money out of the way of the real estate train
wreck. And by the way, don't sneak up to our back porch; we may mistake you for a rabbit.
 --Bw Schulz, Editor in Chief
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MSN
Money: Stock Market Sell Offs - Blame it on Greece
(Dubai, United Arab Emirates) May 2010
Greece is the center of a vast and powerful empire...wait...stand by...here is an update,
no that was 2500 years ago, so what in the hell is the possibility that anything as
unimportant as the Greek credit rating can shake 200 points off the New York Stock
Exchange? MSN headlines said stocks "tumble" on "fears" of
Greece. First - "tumble?" MSN said stocks "tumble," that
was the term they used to describe today's 3% NYSE sell off; tumbling and tumbling like
some preschooler flopping around on their play mat. Wheee! Look at me mommy, I'm
retarded and doing cartwheels with a scissors in my mouth! Wheee, watch me
"tumble" retarded mommy! And second - What "fear?" We
"fear" what happens in Greece? Oh my God liquidate my portfolio, Greece is
in the news! Get my broker on the phone! Yes, hello, sell everything, someone
said Greece is in the news! You heard me good fellow, cash me all out, I fear Greece
more than I fear my strange attraction to the Venus de Milo! Please! For the love of
Zeus man, get my money out right now!
Let's face the facts, if a second world country like Greece can actually affect trading in
New York so profoundly on such minor news, than the global economy is in worse trouble
than previously imagined. Or could it be that MSN and the media are always searching for
some logical conclusion to why stocks rise or drop on a particular day? Did word of
Greece crash our markets in March of 2009? Where was Greece the market Boogyman
then? Or could it be that the absurd blaming of an almost hereto unheard of country
in terms of international finance is just some desperate attempt to find cause and effect
where none exist? Does it arise from the media's transparent attempt to always
explain away market drops as the result of everything and anything but the real lingering,
unspoken cause, that the Dow Jones is a falsely and grossly inflated index?
I seriously doubt that a country the size and stature of Greece really wields such
absolute control over the US stock market and I am doubly in doubt that the American
investor is really sophisticated enough or well informed enough to understand a link as
complicated as Greek credit ratings to US equity markets, if it were even true; and that
is giving way too much credit and power to both traders and to Greece. Honestly,
save your panic for this conclusion, if a country with an economy like Greece can actually
control our stock market so dramatically on a single days volume then we need an immediate
Congressional panel to study this mysterious and unstoppable Gypsy-like power over US
investors before it is too late, before we all go for a "tumble." It seems
for now that the only thing we have to fear.. is fearing Greece itself.
--BW
Schulz, Editor in Chief
Four Digit Dow Jones:
Welcome Home
(Manhattan, New York) May 2010
Sources at MSN.com reported by market's close on Thursday that the Dow had
"shed" 376 points, and futures were down around another 80 points before markets
opened on Friday. We have heard reports before from the NBC affiliates that the market has
"stumbled", that it has "tumbled", but this is the first time that we
can recall that the index crashing has been likened to a hairy and panting beast, casting
off its spring time fur just in time for summer.
So perhaps finally the Dow "shedding" so many points is a start to the index
beginning to come back down to more practical and earthly levels. Maybe knowledgeable
investors and traders are starting to be more realistic and pragmatic about what our
investments on Wall Street are actually worth, and they sure aren't worth 10,600
points! The five digit, 10,000+ Dow was artificially created for psychological
purposes for the sake of debilitated investors, sort of like when you tell a retarded
person that they are "giftedly exceptional." While that makes everyone
feel real nice, we all know that it's not true and not really even that convincing, just
as we found out during the past few trading weeks, as the similarly cajoled, and so
obsessively world-wide watched stock index reached levels around 11,000 points or
more was also found to be not that credible either.
Crafting The Dow Jones into levels of over 10,000 points helped investors fluff their
magical money stuffed pillows at night and sleep soundly with financial fairy tales
dancing through their heads that all was well on Wall Street. It is not.
First our sources reported, that the index was manipulated higher by removing three long
time components from its measurement: American International Group (AIG), Citigroup (C)
and General Motors (GM). Once we stopped monitoring the performance of these three
bafoon stocks alone it was guaranteed to boost the Dow Jones by at least 1000 some
points. Its like when a bunch of losers all drop out of school at the same time and
the test scores of the remaining students are then reported as suddenly and happily
rising. However, in both cases, the dirtballs are still hanging around in the
parking lot stoned.
So similarly AIG, Citgroup and General Motors are still out there, lurking around like
pan-handling bums that are still affecting the rest of the economy, regardless of whether
or not the Dow Jones chooses to measure their stocks performances anymore. For example, GM
and its twisted bastard GMAC is still scaringly and deeply involved in banking
investments, propped up only for the moment by heavily transfused amounts of Treasury
printed inflationary US dollars under the guise of a totally new name, Ally Bank.
And I have to admit, this renaming, and their commercials are clever. Maybe you've
already seen an Ally Bank television advertisement; they are very funny.
In them, a slick banker who looks like someone we have all worked with in corporate
America at one time or another teases kids with empty promises like getting a big new toy
truck to play with, riding on a shiny new bicycle, and our personal favorite, getting a real
pony, if only the kid had just asked for one. We think teasing kids is funny,
because they deserve it.
Kids are costly, germy, whiny, irritating, and call for bail money in the middle of the
night while you're asleep. But Ally Bank is on to something. We are
like the stupid kids in their commercials and Ally is still the overly slick,
deceitful GMAC banker that bought all those ridiculous CDOs and tanked a car company and
an economy or three in the process. Unlike financing a new Cadillac or Corvette it
is entirely different and extremely more financially dangerous to dive into the risks of
credit default swaps or purchase bundle after bundle of blocks of thousands of sub-prime
home mortgages. If this twisted and bogus AAA credit paper was still actual being sold and
resold, would Ally Bank have the sense to stay clear of it or will the secret GMAC bank
mutation fall into the trap of buying into the next bizarre, little misunderstood,
seemingly profitable, high-risk financial derivative product to be invented?
Today what we have now is a situation where most of the money in the falsely bloated Dow
Jones is parked money from institutional traders who have no other choice but to put it
into the market and trade stocks back and forth among themselves from fund to fund to
simulate activity. But the tepid volume at the NYSE clearly shows that regular investors
however haven't the resources or confidence to trade at the volumes we saw over the past
eight years, and with the Dow Jones barely able to keep itself above the 5-digit
psychological barrier, that time doesn't appear to be too likely in the near future.
--BW
Schulz, Editor in Chief
News Flash: Madoff's Wife forced to Live on $20,000 a
Month
(New York, NY, USA) -
July 2009
Sounds rough. More to follow.
 -- Steffi
Panzer, Hollywood Correpsondent
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TWSE News - Money & Investing
