Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Your assertive, outgoing nature takes a step backward this month
in an unprovoked, vicious spree killing, followed with suicide by cop.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
This month's faux pas needs an apology in September but you
realize, unfortunately, that its too late, you work with the Leo.
Libra (September 23 - October 23)
Follow your true, inner instincts; rotate your tires, check your
transmission fluid, and replace your brake pads.
Scorpio (October 24 - November 21)
You finally meet the love of your life and connect. Now
what to do with that person you married when you were twenty..
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You're worthless and weak. Stop stalking the grocery store clerk who is controlling your
thoughts with her mind.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
You reach television fame this summer when surveillance video
from the convenience store airs on the local news channels.
Clouds...
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Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Balance is everything for the water sign this month, so adjust
your medications or face being institutionalized for observation again.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your birthday is especially important this year because your
learn that it was stolen along with all your other personal information by a band of
Ukrainian identity thieves
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Personal finances take the stage when your spouse borrows from
your 401K and invests it at the track.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Do not leave the house on the last Saturday of August as trouble
looms. Stay put until mid-September. Don't take the trash out, they're going
through it. Store urine in canning jars, label them.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
After a promotion at work, celebrate! You'll want to now,
because soon that title is phased out in a corporate restructuring.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Keep your eyes open for the surprise return of a past love! The
restraining order expires on September 1st.
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TWSE News - Horoscopes
